I feel like I’m drowning
Suffocating under the immense pressure
Of water in my lungs
Yet I can’t get to the surface
I can’t break the ice
I can’t inhale
When I do
Liquid floods my mouth, my throat
Until nothing is left
No air, emotion, laughter
Just stillness, awaiting the end

Then, reality crawls back like the chill
You get in the middle of the night
After you’ve kicked off your blankets and
The only thing keeping you warm
Is yourself
But I’m not really drowning
Not in water at least

Your lack of ambition
Our difference in goals
Your unfinished education
Our disagreements on food
Your focus on construction
Our focus on going out
Your lack of focus on algebra
Our lack of focus on saving
All of these things
Are pulling me down
Under the ice, under the water
Until it’s hard to breathe
And every time I log into my account
A little more water trickles in

*October 21, 2013