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i was only seven when your demons arrived in my home
playing with toys & dressing like a princess in my castle i would roam
then things turned upside down
it started in the middle bedroom where you burned my crown
brother playing video games and his back turned from the action
sister with her doll on the bottom bunk having her own distraction
you had laid behind me- slowly putting your hand down my pants
i was so scared and so innocent that i could not bear to glance
stripped from my cleanliness and confused by your ways
never telling my parents of those incredibly tragic days
keeping this secret for many years i ran into trouble
middle school was darker than darkness as suicide became my hidden bubble
cutting my arms/legs or holding my breath underwater until i turned blue
wrapping rope around my neck and leaning forward hoping air would not come through
hitting my head repeatedly because i thought i caused wrong
even putting that knife up to my neck because i felt i did not belong
permanent scarring was emotionally painful, the mirror said "disgrace"
i felt trapped- suffocating and dying because closing my eyes i saw only your face
some of it a blur but i remember being told to block everything out
my memory now partially remembers- there are things i have no full knowledge about
you did all of this to me
thinking your presence would come again would be a guarantee
nightmares engraved in my skull of you touching me again
made me lose every ounce of trust & respect in this world full of men
i remember packing up my belongings and walking down the street
eight years young and thinking this would make things complete
being out of the lives of ones i had "hurt"
until i soon understood you were to blame for the actions that i tried to avert
transforming into a woman has become a continuous struggle in my youth
you left marks on my body i can never cover and memories that are difficult forgetting to tell you the truth
c. - you are the destroyer but also the constructor of my story
i have learned protective instincts and transformed from a victim to a survivor through those times which were ever so gory
indeed my puzzle is missing pieces a girl should always remember
like the happiness of playing with friends or with my family together  
still i have days where i feel disgusted by my past
wishing i could replace those moments of when i was harassed
now i begin to think this was pure destiny
i am stronger and more independent so it seems you did not break me
looking down the road i believe the future will be bright
my past will remain distressing but i can never lose this fight
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