You know what's hard?
Getting up every morning and being perky and pouring your coffee in front of everyone and pretending you weren't crying until 4am.

You know what's hard?
Getting dressed and putting on your make up trying desperately to impress someone... Hoping for a miracle.

You know what's hard?
Leaving the house and having every single thing remind you of a certain person. Oh we kissed there. Oh he goes to the gym there. Oh he drove me home there.

You know what's hard?
Lying to every single person when they ask you if you're too warm in your baggy jumpers, when they ask you how you're doing. Oh I'm fine, yourself? It's a monotonous reply.

You know what's hard?
Losing every inch of yourself. I've no idea who I was before. And every single time I fall for someone new (which has only happened 5 times. I'm not a crazy ****.) I lose part of who I am. And I get happy for a bit but then they leave.

You know what's not hard?
Hurting myself. I seem to be able to do that with ease. Razor blades and pencil sharpeners seem to dissolve out of their screws and plastic. It's so easy. And falling. That's another thing I find easy. I fall way too fast for people who really don't deserve it. Only I fall rarely so it hurts worse....

You know what's hard?
Love.
Life.
Breathing.
Being me.