and when you stepped into my room to say goodnight and asked if I was okay I want to scream give me a hug and I can't sleep because the nightmares are ptsd flashbacks and I'm scared I'm getting bad again and I don't know whattodohowtothinkwhattofeel and I'm scared and lonely and no I am not okay no I am not okay because I'm not sure that being alive is something that wants me and I am so scared of letting everyone down and I just want to be good enough and I want a boy to hold me and to tell me that its okay and I wany to stop feeling ugly because ******* I'm pretty right right right please don't accept my ******* I'm alright answer because  too scared that I'll scare you if I tell you the truth but I need to because I want you to listen and then to want me I just want someone to want me why is that so ******* hard