Complicate
Penetrate
All my walls
Just let them break.
Love me more than I can take
It's no longer something I debate.
Feel you stare
Fingers through my hair
Let you hold me
Let me care.
Feeling more than I thought was there.
How was it possible that you've been here
All along without me unaware?
Heartache was love for me for longer than I can remember.
I was used to it's customs
I greeted it while holding anger.
Do you see
What you've done to me?
You've ruined me
You made me dream.
Reminded me of the things I love
Let them surface
Accepted them all.
Even all the nasty flaws.
I tried to hide them
Tried to fix them before you saw.
How did you do it?
After all the others who'd been through it?
Suffered the tears and the angry words.
My self loathing and my distant stares
Talking me through when I'm not there.
What can I give you?
What do I have?
To make you so sure that you want this so bad?
The things so pure that you see
Are the things you've unknowingly added into me.
Replacing my apathy, so lovingly,
With more than what I thought I could be.
How could I repay such generosity?
Never changing
Never fixing
Never doubting
That I ever had to act differently
Into someone who fits your ideal imagery.
Never wanting saving
But reluctantly and stubbornly
Somehow I gave you permission to rescue me.
What the ****, baby?
Look at the state of me
I was so used to being dead
Living was just breathing
And it was so easy.
Being stone cold was simple
Compared to feeling.
You saw my tears
My rapid breathing
Waking nightmares
Drunken confessing
Self mutilating
Suicidal repressing
My lack of certain emotions
That I can't bring myself to feeling.
And there you are quietly accepting
Listening and not defeating
The words I say with comforting words
That are often misleading.
Never thought I'd be the one pleading
For someone to never leave me.
Your precious love is more than sweetness.
It's more than blind forgiveness.
It's more than the pretty words and actions you make
It's the things you've seen in me
And still you wait.
Loving the unlovable person
That I had to create.
You molded me into someone with breath.
Breathing life into me with every caress.
Keeping my thoughts in our universe
Whenever they wander, you wander with them too.
Never leaving me alone with them even if they have nothing to do with you.
Fearing nothing and everything at once
Giving me what I've always wanted
A chance
To be who I should have been
Before I became this.
I love you more each time I glance
At your face smiling back.