I think im fat on some level even thoguth i know im not

I never understand myself

I lie so much I dont know what is true

I hate hurting people but everything i do seems to have a negative affect on someone I love

I hate disapointing people

I love when people disapoint me

I think suicide is selfish
and i hate that i have tried it 4 times

I wish I could be perfect for everyone
Even if i lose myself

I wish I could let someone else live my life while i just disapear

I fall in love with to many people I lose

I push away all of my freinds so they dont push away me

When I was younger i use to hit my legs with hammers so i wouldnt have to run track so i could stay home and help my mom (Why my knees always hurt)

I dont want people to care about me

And yet all I want to do is know you care

I want my father to hurt me so bad I'm not recognizable
Then I will finally feel the hurt I have wanted to feel my whole life

I forgot how to cry

When I was younger my best freind died of cancer

I use to be able to think of somethign sad and cry on demand

I just want someone to **** me

I day dream about murdering, hooking up, and ****** almost every one I see at random moments and I cant controll it.