I hate when I’m trying to be handsome,
and a more handsome man stands next to me and handsomes harder than I can.

''Surely you can handsome somewhere else,'' I say in a handsome passion, to the man dressed in ridiculously good fashion.

But he just stands there, handsoming harder than I could dare.
Even if I were wearing some Prada underwear.

So I turn up my nose and ''hmmph'' out aloud,
then handsome off to a less handsomeable crowd.

''Oh, what a success I've found,'' I say in a handsome murmer,
before handsoming away to be handsome further.