you say you love me
then you say I hold you back
you say I'm amazing
then you laugh about how I thought "this" would last
you ignore me until I break
then you hold my hand and say you missed me.
you are more messed up than I ever imagined
and I feel embarrassed for continuously fighting a battle
that you left months ago.
I wish I could be as heartless as you-
just shut my eyes and hold my breath,
try to forget until it all just disappeared-
but I know you.
I remember when you were by my side while I cried
I remember when you told me I could never do anything to make you stop loving me
I remember
when we were just a boy and a girl, so innocent
first meeting
first kiss
first admission of love
I remember
but you want to forget
want to run away from difficult feelings and responsibility
you don't care about how I feel
and I feel an awful lot of awful
as you leave and erase me
I ache and break.
I. Hate. You.

but why can't you just love me like you used to?