Once again
Word binge
Trying to think of some verbal fringe.
Hope I can bring about some wit
Maybe some confessions I'll actually admit.
Perhaps I'll write 4 poems in a row
Have a temper tantrum to throw.
Try to portray someone that I wish to be
Take pride in the fact that I'm being insane but responsibly.
Try to compete with someone who knows more words than I
Anything to move along this sleepless night.
Sit awhile and stare upwards
Talking to myself until it gets awkward.
Give self advice to which I'll never listen
Try to figure out if I really am a Christian.
Pine and whine and rhyme and cry
Comfort myself by writing lies
Delete it all or reconsider?
Does it help or does it matter?
Feel the butterfly under my pillow
My Smith and Wesson blade it's bed fellow.
Alone in what I thought was shared
My wedding bed feeling bare.
Attempting to practice myself as less impared.
Thinking of ways to improve my snare.
Cradle me through
With words and truth.
You don't need to touch me
Just give me proof.
That I'm not alone
In four walls, boxed
While occasionally getting up
To recheck the locks.
Lots of crime down the block
And it's stirring up the gentile folks.
To think all but 6 years shy
I was the one who they tried to lock out at night.
Being the one who went bump with delight.
Begging for the next big fight.
Domestication
My silent destruction
Made my calloused hands soft and lotioned
My scars now turned to thin lines of redemption
That the body survived
But the soul is still in incarceration.
Maybe if I turned my brain
Away from the gravitational strain
Of fighting to stay alive each day.
Most think that ease is easy
That kicking back makes life worth living.
I tried the kitchen and the big screen tv.
I gave a chance to indoor voices
I gave someone else my harder choices.
I let a paycheck define my courtship.
And now I'm soft and feel like horse ****.
Not all were meant for quiet lives.
Some can't just turn off the flame in their eyes.
Some can't forget the memories that deprives
Them of simplistic everyday joys of being alright.
And the price is to lay awake a night
Bickering with myself instead of carousing for a fight.
Knowing that I chose it all
Welcomed it with my arms all sprawled.
It's devistating to find out your *******.
Derping around and never intended
To listen to myself being regarded
With pity as they talk slowly
As if I'm cross eyed and hearing poorly.
By the grace of God I can wipe my own ***
I can feed myself and drink out of my own glass.
Never thought I'd live to see the day
To look so young and feel so middle aged.
******* rants
Letting my fingers dance
On letters with smug little prances.
Title it for me
I won't sue
I'm sure I've probably titled you too.