Jul 2014
You have left the girl I love
Like a shade that has given up
Possession.
You
The you I write poetry to.
The you I cry for and treasure.
The you
I search for.
You, the you I miss.
I am beginning to realize
That you may not stay with one person.
That maybe you will live with me for a while
Behind the face of a girl I adore madly
And then at any moment
She may become scared of you
And cast you out
Evict you-
And by extension, me.
And then I must search once again for where you've gone
Who you've found a home with now.
I love just one person.
I love you.
But you
Keep moving.
You keep being forced away from me.
I've felt your love and it
Was all I ever needed.
And then you were torn away again
And I was alone
With the girl whose eyes used to hold your soul.
I was alone with her
And it is worse than death to understand that the person you love
Lives on
But has suddenly become something so new and different
So distant
That the only thing you recognize is her face.
It is confusing,
Terrifying,
Torturous,
Maddening.
You
You
You
Where are you?
Whose eyes have you found a new shelter behind?
Let me find you and love you before the cowardly humanity in her rejects you and leaves you homeless once more.
You and I
Are a tragic love story
Always almost there.
And I am sorry I spend so much time
Searching for you in people you've already left.
I see that face
Those eyes
I hear that voice and feel that soft skin
And I just can't believe you are gone from her
And I try and try,
The fool,
But.... she looks
So much like you still.
God,
I miss you. I miss you like I'd miss a rib or one of my lungs.
I try to find you in the places you once were
Any evidence
Any little thing
Because I am afraid to begin anew
Looking for you in this cold
Brutal
Enormous world.
I am angry at her for rejecting you
Like a bad transplant,
For killing the girl I love
By changing.
And I am angry at you
For not fighting harder.
Where are you?
Who
Are you now?
You
You
You
The only person I have ever loved.
A shadow that disappears when you look directly at it,
A firefly leading me through a deadly dark world,
A dream I wake from far too often
Lonely and bereft.
You.
Are gone again.
And I am too fragile to go searching without a light just yet
Checking every face for your spark
Peering into the abyss
That I know is mapping every inch and byway of my mind with cold eyes
Just because I feel that somewhere in the dark
You are waiting.
I am too fragile
And yet I can't stop
Can't give up
Can't rest:
I need you more than blood
More than lungs
I need you more than my precious sanity
That I trade by the sigh
More than time
That I sell by the grain
(It sure
Adds up.)
I don't want to be old
Before I know what your real face looks like
Before I look into your true eyes
And finally feel safe and whole.
You're looking for me
I can feel it.
And I am calling to you
You
You
You
My love
My universe.
*Who are you
This time?
Like a shade that has given up
Possession.
You
The you I write poetry to.
The you I cry for and treasure.
The you
I search for.
You, the you I miss.
I am beginning to realize
That you may not stay with one person.
That maybe you will live with me for a while
Behind the face of a girl I adore madly
And then at any moment
She may become scared of you
And cast you out
Evict you-
And by extension, me.
And then I must search once again for where you've gone
Who you've found a home with now.
I love just one person.
I love you.
But you
Keep moving.
You keep being forced away from me.
I've felt your love and it
Was all I ever needed.
And then you were torn away again
And I was alone
With the girl whose eyes used to hold your soul.
I was alone with her
And it is worse than death to understand that the person you love
Lives on
But has suddenly become something so new and different
So distant
That the only thing you recognize is her face.
It is confusing,
Terrifying,
Torturous,
Maddening.
You
You
You
Where are you?
Whose eyes have you found a new shelter behind?
Let me find you and love you before the cowardly humanity in her rejects you and leaves you homeless once more.
You and I
Are a tragic love story
Always almost there.
And I am sorry I spend so much time
Searching for you in people you've already left.
I see that face
Those eyes
I hear that voice and feel that soft skin
And I just can't believe you are gone from her
And I try and try,
The fool,
But.... she looks
So much like you still.
God,
I miss you. I miss you like I'd miss a rib or one of my lungs.
I try to find you in the places you once were
Any evidence
Any little thing
Because I am afraid to begin anew
Looking for you in this cold
Brutal
Enormous world.
I am angry at her for rejecting you
Like a bad transplant,
For killing the girl I love
By changing.
And I am angry at you
For not fighting harder.
Where are you?
Who
Are you now?
You
You
You
The only person I have ever loved.
A shadow that disappears when you look directly at it,
A firefly leading me through a deadly dark world,
A dream I wake from far too often
Lonely and bereft.
You.
Are gone again.
And I am too fragile to go searching without a light just yet
Checking every face for your spark
Peering into the abyss
That I know is mapping every inch and byway of my mind with cold eyes
Just because I feel that somewhere in the dark
You are waiting.
I am too fragile
And yet I can't stop
Can't give up
Can't rest:
I need you more than blood
More than lungs
I need you more than my precious sanity
That I trade by the sigh
More than time
That I sell by the grain
(It sure
Adds up.)
I don't want to be old
Before I know what your real face looks like
Before I look into your true eyes
And finally feel safe and whole.
You're looking for me
I can feel it.
And I am calling to you
You
You
You
My love
My universe.
*Who are you
This time?
