i think it's perfectly OK from time-to-time to think about those very meaningful and important people who were once a part of your life.

this is my moment:
maybe i feel burdened with the memory of you, you were indeed a terrific person. but, i beat myself up over "losing" you.
did i lose you? or did you leave me?
whatever the reason is, i can't help but feel full of myself and think that maybe i'm the victim. maybe i lost you because i was not good enough. i don't want to be good enough for you, now. but how good would that feel if i could be the ideal girl you once loved?
i was horribly young and immature to think that you were just another guy i could use to make myself feel important.
maybe i'm still immature: here i am thinking you might still love me and that you still want to be with me. how silly of me to think about me, me, me. when did i ever give a crap about you.
the answer is: always. you were a great person, not just in hindsight, but from the start. i knew i was lucky, but i also knew i wanted everyone else's love. and because i fought to have everyone else's love i got sidetracked from your "true" love.

and yet, could it be possible that i don't want you? -- maybe i only feel regret? i carry this gargantuan regret, harborded deep in the catacombs of my mind. it looms in the cortex patiently waiting to be remembered. perhaps my biggest challenge is not to remember you and feel sadness or lose, regret or pain. maybe a day will come when i look back  and feel wonder, peace, and special that i had the chance to be with you and you with me. that we existed in a moment where we loved one another even though we didn't know what love meant. we existed, momentarily, in perfect happiness. there, we could hold on to fairy tales and unrealistic dreams of growing old together. we didn't know ourselves well enough to be ready for petty challenges. at least it felt like we could exist like that: frozen in time slowly falling like a grain of sand in an alluring hour glass.
but, i want to put you away. i want to move on with my love life, and enjoy this wonderful boy who's in my life, right now.
i don't want to think about you when i close my eyes and kiss him. i don't want to think about you when i'm with him. and i don't want to compare. because, it's not fair.