sauntering down the hall
rubbing the sleep from my eyes,
it's mid morning, and I'm not really awake yet
why am I not at school?
something is weird I think to myself,
as I hear my mom talk from the kitchen
I know this isn't a regular day.
I remember, the sun, shining
through the blinds
and her closest friend at the time
I remember her talking,
sobbing,
but I can't hear her words.
Something about an accident
and him being gone,
something about family, how they'll be
here before too long.
I still don't get what's really going on.
Sitting on the swings,
talking to the dog
waiting for it all to end
to blink, and wake up in my bed,
groggy, running late
like always.
Then more than the family
all started to arrive,
people,
lots of people,
all with their hands full,
flowers, and cards
and boxes and bags,
food,
more food-
offerings of condolences, from the guiltiest of hands
like feeding the dead was a possibility?
I don't remember any faces,
just smeared complexions of those who took you away-
nor any comments specific,
I just remember feeling lost,
confused, drowning in it!

don't speak unless spoken to,
out of sight out of mind
you're just too young to understand,
it's not your problem to worry about,
your mother just can't talk right now
just go sit down and be quiet!

I'm sitting in a car now,
with a friends family,
and my dearest other half,
driving right on by.
I see the marks on the road,
I see the pole hanging there,
I see the carnage, and the subtlety of it all
I try not to think about you,
there, not even a full day ago
here.
I remember that phone call last night
after the siren, false alarm!
Your assurance that you were fine
less than three hours before we'd have to say
goodbye.
I remember the words
I'm sorry,
sorry about your loss,
sorry to hear he's gone,
sorry
sorry
sorry, burned into my vocabulary,
branding me, like it or not,
nothing like irony to heat that iron white hot,
Funny,
how the sorry's never came from the right mouths
and the greatest friend of all time
had such the opposite for himself.
All this I remember, some so vivid,
it's too raw to recall.
Yet I try so hard and
comb through my mind,
but like a sieve, some things fall through
the sound of your voice, or just how you walked,
I have trouble recalling the little things
that would have made you
you.
I know that none of us will live forever
but I never thought you'd be completely taken away
I never thought I'd lose my memories too
I thought I had those till my final day!