I've lost count of the taverns
Where my face has  kissed the floor
at least twenty down in Texas
Arizona, fourteen more
twenty three in California
In Wyoming, seventeen
You can see there's lots of places I've been drunk
But, haven't seen


Kissed sixteen floors down in Nevada
Twelve in Idaho
Four over  in Hawaii
and  in New Mexico
It's not that I'm a fighter
It isn't that I'm mean
I'm just a drinker with a problem
In the places that I've been

It doesn't matter where I am
I'm not selective, not at all
I drink, I get in trouble
I get hit, and then I fall
I move around the country
Kissing floors in every state
I'm an alcoholic punching bag
Kissing bar floors is my fate

I kissed six in Massachuesetts
Eleven more in Washington
Twice, I ended on a table
So, I just count them as one
New Jersey I kissed plenty
I lost count up in New York
Up there the floors are softer
Some floors are filled with cork

Florida, I kissed the beach
Seven times, at least I think
One time doesn't count though
I kissed the beach and didn't drink
Lousianna, kissed a lot there
There's a lot of floors to kiss
I hit every bar down on Canal Street
There wasn't one I didn't miss

In South Dakota, can't remember
Not too many bars around
But, I did get in trouble once
And yes....I kissed the ground
Virginia, and Ohio
Up in Minnesota too
In Michigan, oh man oh man
I kissed near twenty two

In Illinois I kissed nineteen
In Georgia, I kissed nine
I found six teeth where I last fell
And only two of them were mine
there is not one location
Where my face and floors have kissed
I'm an alcoholic travel guide
And I keep running into fists

It doesn't matter where I am
I'm not selective, not at all
I drink, I get in trouble
I get hit, and then I fall
I move around the country
Kissing floors in every state
I'm an alcoholic punching bag
Kissing bar floors is my fate