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Jun 2014
"only pain from love
it's only pain from love
only pain from love"

i play the song on repeat
the lyrics wash over me
and the pain, so sharp,
subsides for a minute

it's not my fault
it's not your fault
it's only pain from love
"only pain from love, dear"


i've lost track of the times i said we'd break up
the moments would always hit me out of nowhere
and i instantly understood deja vu, or serendipity,
or something bigger than me
someone else who knew it was wrong.

i've lost track of the times we've fought
i don't even know what they were about
i just remember the broken pieces,
the broken doors,
the broken pots,
soil strewn everywhere
with bits of plants flying,
my clothes flying,
everything breaking around me.
i always thought this home was temporary
we swung through times of such chaos
two poles at odds
trying to be close but pushing each other away


you finally say that you love me
that we could be the only two people in the world
but... how?
can we forget all the pain we went through,
was the pain our own?
did we hurt each other,
did we make it worse?
why can't we comfort one another
do we make each other worse?

i was sure this would be the last fight
it fell with a deafening finality
our worst one yet,
a hurricane which tore up everything we'd built
our voices hoarse from so much screaming
my eyes had never hurt so much
from so much crying

afterwards i thought there'd be silence
but the days go on, and each time
i fall back into your arms.
i was made to fit there
it's where i belong
is this it?
can we stop fighting each other
and fight for us together
is this it?
is this it?
Janet Li
Written by
Janet Li  charleston
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