I was in an abusive relationship once.. But it was a bit different.

You see, he was always the last thing on my mind before I went to sleep, and the first thing on my mind when I woke up.

He used to kiss me softly every night before I went to sleep.

He used to wake me up gently in the mornings and make me breakfast. He would run my bath water to the perfect temperature.

He used to escort me to the bus stop before work when the sun was yet to relieve the night sky of its shift.

He was always there. He lived in my mind and that's where he birthed complacency.

His first name was What, and his last name was If.

He never gave me time to myself, he never let me speak.

I tried to walk out on him. I swear I did, but he'd visit me at 4 a.m. and I would simply let him in. He would keep me up all night, forcing himself on me... In me. He wouldn't leave when I cried get out.

I was in an abusive relationship once, as scary as it is, I might still be.

All this time I thought it was a man, but what if, What If is a she?

What if all this time it was myself?

I've finally came to see.

What if all this time, What If is really me?