there you are.
behind the shoulders and smiles
of everybody else.
i thought i was standing beside you.

i try and catch your eye,
i reach between the shoving arms,
momentarily, i touch your sleeve,
but then you are too far away.

i politely try and make my way,
i gently push at the wall of bodies.
some give way,
most crowd me out.

i can hear your voice,
i can see a glimse of your hair,
i try and see a way through,
to where you live.

i call for you.
and you say:
'but i'm right here?'

i push harder,
i shove at the shoulders,
the elbows, the backs.
i tear at the silks.

you frown at my urgency.
you anger at my irrationality.
you don't understand,
that i cannot reach you.

the ghosts press closer to you
they leer at me
they mock my futility
they know what i don't.

you cannot see,
the spaces that's there.
you cannot see the need,
to tell me what you feel.

i think i'm tired,
of pushing against the ghosts.
of fighting,
against what  you can't see.

then maybe,
i must just let the crowd carry you away.