I wish I could tell you that I am happy.
I wish I could tell you that I am not a broken mess.
I wish I could look at myself and see what you thought you saw in me.
I wish that I wasn't a broken mess of ****** happiness.
But I am happy
Just not the happy that you would like.
I am happy feeling buzzed, and being high like I'm in a cloud.
When I am not sober I can find a reason to smile again because it feels so ******* good that everything in the world could come crashing down and I wouldn't even notice anything, but you.
You, leaving me for what I am.
Telling me that you wish you were enough.
The tears in your eyes screaming my name at the top of their lungs
But I'm not listening anymore.
I wanted you.
But I needed to be free
I see you look at me, so disappointed in what I need.
I see the hurt vividly in your eyes
as I pull the pipe to my mouth
and fly away to a
happier place
Once again,
with you.