i was told confessing thoughts
even if they aren't necessarily secrets
can be healing.
well i had really terrifying dreams as a child.
i wish i spoke up back then.
i wish i told someone how much they actually scared me.
because it's years later
and i'm not a little girl anymore.
the things that are terrifying me
exist in my reality
or in my irrationality...
and i'm rubbing my eyes at 4:00am
with the illusion
that reality is up in the clouds
with the rest of the memories from my childhood
that taught me what fear was.
not really real
not really there
in my imagination.
or at least i could pretend.
what was reality in my childhood that scared me
i never told a soul.
my secret keeping skills were gold.
and while the plot thickens
and my skin stretches into it's 23rd year
my dreams slip through my fingers.
and my soles are soaked.