even if I screamed until my throat went sore and punched everything in my way til my knuckles bled; even if I ran a million miles when my lungs gave up on me 999,999 miles ago and even if I scribbled across every page of my favourite book until the stab marks began to fade and even if I beat myself up everyday until my body became permanently numb; even if I stared at old pictures of us til my eyes were on the verge of blindness and even if I cut my wrists with pieces of broken glass that resemble my heart-

it would NEVER compare to how hurt I am and how sorry I am and how much I want to tell you how I feel but I can't because it just wouldn't be fair

and I know you've moved on but that's something I'm trying to teach myself how to do because no love will ever compare to the way I felt with you

*a