Jun 2014
I can't keep up with my heart
It jumps from fast to slow
In a rhythm my body doesn’t recognize or know.
The thoughts I think are questioned
Fearful to make a move, but anxious about standing still
Confidence has left, making my voice soft and shrill.
All that is left are the fragments of me I pretend to not have
Pressed in so deep, I forget it was there
Outta sight, outta mind
But it’s only a matter of time
Until those things travel to the surface
Creeping out from the abyss.
Permission is given for everyone to be insecure
We are fallible, destined to mistakes in order to learn
Yet the unrelenting and impossible standards of this game I play
Say perfection is the only way you win
In this case, would it be so bad to lose?
At the end of the day, who but me, is really keeping score?
Emotions rising and falling
Going up and down
Like sit ups
And I’m running low on energy
I’ve lost count to how many I have done
But still say it’s not good enough
Somewhere along the way,
I finally stop.
Confidence sets in and I realize
I constantly put people ahead of me
Never then getting anywhere, because I’m always taking a step back
Where is the logic in that?
I wasn’t given life to give up my life.
I wasn’t gifted a voice to silence myself.
I wasn’t blessed with a mind
So it wouldn’t mind at all.
My compassion can sometimes make me naive
Guilty of putting my faith in each hand I shake.
Gracing other the benefit of the doubt
While I doubt myself, and everything my heart tells me
Said in a weak whisper
From all the times I’ve denied my feelings inside.
In order for my voice to grow strong,
Actions need to be taken that feel foreign and wrong
Like to Believing In Myself
Something so simple and essential
Yet leaving me tremendously fearful
From all the what if’s created in my mind.
I am learning,
Decisions aren’t about being wrong or right;
Decisions become the directions of the road map to our life.
Now I question,
When and where do I begin?
Is there a designated place and time?
Or has my destiny been delayed from the limitations of my mind?
It jumps from fast to slow
In a rhythm my body doesn’t recognize or know.
The thoughts I think are questioned
Fearful to make a move, but anxious about standing still
Confidence has left, making my voice soft and shrill.
All that is left are the fragments of me I pretend to not have
Pressed in so deep, I forget it was there
Outta sight, outta mind
But it’s only a matter of time
Until those things travel to the surface
Creeping out from the abyss.
Permission is given for everyone to be insecure
We are fallible, destined to mistakes in order to learn
Yet the unrelenting and impossible standards of this game I play
Say perfection is the only way you win
In this case, would it be so bad to lose?
At the end of the day, who but me, is really keeping score?
Emotions rising and falling
Going up and down
Like sit ups
And I’m running low on energy
I’ve lost count to how many I have done
But still say it’s not good enough
Somewhere along the way,
I finally stop.
Confidence sets in and I realize
I constantly put people ahead of me
Never then getting anywhere, because I’m always taking a step back
Where is the logic in that?
I wasn’t given life to give up my life.
I wasn’t gifted a voice to silence myself.
I wasn’t blessed with a mind
So it wouldn’t mind at all.
My compassion can sometimes make me naive
Guilty of putting my faith in each hand I shake.
Gracing other the benefit of the doubt
While I doubt myself, and everything my heart tells me
Said in a weak whisper
From all the times I’ve denied my feelings inside.
In order for my voice to grow strong,
Actions need to be taken that feel foreign and wrong
Like to Believing In Myself
Something so simple and essential
Yet leaving me tremendously fearful
From all the what if’s created in my mind.
I am learning,
Decisions aren’t about being wrong or right;
Decisions become the directions of the road map to our life.
Now I question,
When and where do I begin?
Is there a designated place and time?
Or has my destiny been delayed from the limitations of my mind?
