When is it enough? How do we get over those people that we once loved? If I were to describe what I wanted in one word what would it be? Do I make a positive impact? Or at least one more positive than negative? Why do I miss him so badly? Is there a god? Or at the very least somebody who will just ******* listen?
I have all of these holes and I know now that sometimes they cannot be filled and that I just have to live with them but sometimes they feel so big, like they're eating away at my insides and if I don't put a plug to it then I'll just disappear.
It's 4 am and part of me wants to just sleep and part of me is scared that you will be in my dreams and then I'll wake up and you won't be here and I will cry and I am so **** tired of that.
It's too early to stay up and watch the sunrise, but god. I do love those colors.
My cat wants to sleep with me. At least somebody does. #foreveralone #catlady
I heard a Sheryl Crow song that goes "the first cut is the deepest" but I know that for me that's never true. For me, it's the second cut. When I realize that, ****, I didn't do enough damage and goddanmit if I'll ever be good enough so let's make it ******* rain. Lets build a hole into my skin, because god knows there aren't enough on my heart.
I don't usually cut. I self-harm in other ways. I used to cut to abuse myself, but now it's just loneliness that I feel. I'm so scared of people leaving that I push them away before they get the chance to go.
What if I never meet you because I push you away? What if there's nothing after this? And what if my dreams are as good as it gets?
Sitting at my computer, writing ****** poetry at 4 in the morning. I just watched 16 episodes of the first season of One Tree Hill. This is me. I am romance on shows and poetry and coffee and too hot but I still use my blanket and I have a stuffed animal that I snuggle with. I am me. And I am ****** up and messed up and wanting for love and lustful tonight and I just want to be hugged and kissed and given a doughnut.
I'm going to bed. I love you. I love you. I love you. Don't ever let anyone say that nobody loves you. Because I do. Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite, darling.