I realized today that I don't have anyone who I call my "best friend".
I sometimes think that I have one.
But then I tell them and I can tell by their response usually if it's real
Or not.

I told a boy once that he was my best friend.
It was honestly nothing more than friendship with us.
He said, "You're mine too."
The way that he said it though...
It was so monotone.
Like he told me just to make it less awkward.

I told a girl once that she was my best friend.
She said "You're mine too."
She never showed it though.
She never listened to me.
Answered me back.
Or seemed to care about me unless it included her or it was drama filled gossip about someone's life.

I once told another girl that she was my best friend.
She didn't answer me back.
She stopped talking to me and we grew apart.

The hard thing about "best friends", is that you each have to feel the same way about each other.

I have even had people say I was their best friend.
I never felt the same though.
I always said "Awh, thank you."
Then they would leave me.
Like everyone else.

I thought I should be my own best friend once.
But like I said,
You have to have a mutual love for each other.
And to be honest...
I don't like myself a lot of the time.

So I wonder.
If I wasn't stuck with myself,
Would I leave me too?