My son Colton Ross Barrera has been missing since Sept. 26, 2008. I bet you can imagine how many times I have typed that sentence... I am finally reaching out to another mom, perhaps for my own sanity... I have had so many ppl say to me, "oh Lynda, I am so sorry, I just can't imagine what you are going through" as I would never have been able to imagine all this myself. I had a slight interest in missing person cases in the past but it was just another news story in my mind and the ppl weren't real, not until it hit home and it was MY son that went missing... I have been angry at God and I have gone through all the stages of grief and still go back and forth on those steps. I remember when he 1st went missing I made 50-75 phone calls a day. now the phone is quiet and there is no one left to call. The police have put his file in a folder and have labeled him, not as handsome, or quirky or intelligent, but he is stamped with the label of COLD CASE. I quit going to church because I felt that if anyone knew where my son was, they would tell me and how could God be so cruel and withhold such vital information from me? I almost envy people that know when where and how their child passed away because they have a tiny piece of real estate to go to and leave flowers and have closure, but I am also relieved that not having a gravestone at a cemetery plot to visit still gives me hope that he is still alive. In this modern day of internet, I have his facebook account page to look at pictures of him in which he never ages and words written by him which I wish I would have read long before he went missing. Time on a calendar is marked according to B.C. and A.D. due to the life and death of Jesus. I mark occasions by how old Colton was at any given time-- "That re-run of Catdog came out in 2001? Colton was 11" It is so bitter sweet to watch Colton's younger brother grow up and do some of the same mannerisms as he did at that age. My older son's have placed blame and anger on me and in some ways, rightly so, at my lack pf parenting and causing their brother to go missing and that has put a big chasm in our relationship. I suppose unless publishers ever come out with a "How to handle it when your child disappears and just seems to fall off the face of the planet, for dummies" book, I will rely on the support and guidance of other's who are traveling down this path with me.