I thought it would be hard
To remember a person who has passed
As sick.
Luckily, I will never think of you
As anything less than wonderful.
But what if
You cannot remember me that way?

I was ill
The last time you saw me.
I was addicted
The last time we got together.
All I want
Is for you to see me recovered.

You never knew
What I was doing to myself.
It kills me inside
That the last time I was at your house
I spent half the time in the bathroom
Purging.

I was never happy
And you must have seen that shift in my character.
It makes me want to pull my hair out
When I think about
Who I am
And who I was
When the eating disorder monster
Had me in her jealous claws.

Sticking a finger down my throat
Never made it better.
And I wish you could remember me
In recovery
Not in the throws of addiction.
I wish I could leave a legacy
Like the one you left with me.