Where were you,
when I took my first steps?
Where were you,
when I breathed
my first conscious breath?
When I said my first word,
all so very alone,
where were you,
that my hear turned to stone?

You with your "Job",
so busy yet so dead,
where were you,
to tuck me to bed?
Where were you,
to check for monsters in the dark,
where were you,
to drive us for ice cream
in the
park.

Where?

You were gone,
always away,
you were always busy,
you could never stay.
You were nothing more than a blur to me
you were the father,
I could never see.

Then on my fifth birthday,
you gave me a wink,
you left out the door,
not another word
leaving my heart to sink.

Like an eager dog,
I hoped you would return,
but then you left me with
my three other siblings,
but then again,
that wasn't any of your concern.

The only thing that kept
us from being lost in foster care,
was that I was always ready,
even when mom wasn't all there.
With her breath so foul
that it made it seem like a small aroma,
but when she slept, she slept,
like she was in a coma.

But you knew that didn't you?
You didn't find,
the pretty girl you once knew,
she was growing older,
and that just wouldn't do.
So on you moved to some pretty little thing,
you even went as far
as to buy her diamond ring.

Well pa,
I just wanna say thanks,
because now I'm numb,
to all of life's silly little pranks.
I'm more mature than I could have ever hoped to be,
I've taken the parent role alone,
but I bear the mark proudly.

Sure it hurts, when I look at the broken frame,
to think if we were an actual family,
well
it just wouldn't be the same.

You were gone,
gone,
away from the house,
because you're eyes and heart was always wandering,
always free to roam,
while I was here,
in this little place
called
home.

Now look where I am,
as a full grown man,
I'm doing better,
then all the rest say they can.
You've taught me things,
even when you were away,
I don't even regret it,
when you left that day.

You've made me, who I am today,
even in your absence,
you've given me lessons
that I wouldn't dare trade for any other way.

Look us now,
the children you had left on their own,
look at your children, all with their phones.
We grew up with nothing, with a broken house and broken dreams,
but your other kids grew up with everything they wanted,
everything...it seems.

I'm not sorry that it came out like this,
no I'm not even mad,
even on your deathbed, on your forehead I'll kiss,
because you're the only father I've ever had.
I love my other siblings, illegitimate or otherwise,
I'll tell them what I've told the others for so long,
nothing but lies.

So here's my letter,
to you my dear father,
for all the times when I didn't know what to do,
for all the times when I asked
"Where. Were. You?"

Gone.