is it always going to be like this?

am i always going to feel so distant? so lethargic?
when i was younger, i envisioned myself
as a smiling girl, a laughing girl, a happy girl;

not as a girl who feels
like she could spontaneously burst into tears
at any given moment.

not as a girl who feels
so tired she can't move herself from her bed,
and feels low low low.  

not as a girl who feels
so weak that she can't talk herself into any kind of productivity,
though lying still makes her feel restless.

not as girl who feels
endless frustration because she can't even think of
what to do with herself.

and so i ask: is it always going to be like this?