If god were real
When he’d appear
It would be out of nowhere
In mysterious ways
God would be dressed as a clown
His front top teeth are missing
And he slurs like a drunk
Sometimes you can’t understand him
He does this on purpose
God was never cryptic
He just had trouble enunciating
DON’T BE MEAN TO PEOPLE
JESUS CHRIST
You have trouble looking at his face
It is hard to take the message of a clown seriously
So you look down at the globes of the tip of his shoes
Red shiny bulbs
Inside the reflection
You are ant sized
You feel small in that moment
God says something but you are busy looking down
You see other ant sized people walking behind you
Towards work
To get food
To go to school
God makes you a halo
Out of balloons
It is white because he ran out of yellow
Before he puts it on your head
Turned sideways
It looks like dangling handcuffs
He makes you a sword and belt too
You have just been turned into an angel
A human angel armed with the necessary tools to fight on his behalf
You don’t feel strong in that moment
You still feel like an ant
God gives you a holy water balloon
Just in case things get hairy
You decide you might be able to surprise baptize someone with it
Then god walks a way
But you totally feel better because he just gave you a halo and a sword
You cry that night
Because you have never felt so small and helpless in your entire life
You never felt so silly
Wielding you faith as firm as a balloon sword
Wearing your blow up halo as a badge
So you throw them away
Not your faith
Just the balloons
DON’T HURT ANYBODY
God says
His tongue pressed to his gums to prevent lisps
Then he begins to pump up another balloon
He honks his horn
And you are so confused