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Penny Yilmaz Feb 2017
She had everything under control
so She thought
This tough as nails-
Lived through hell-
Fought for her soul-
Type of girl.

The grey saw her gloom
Her gloom saw the grey

She couldn't shake it
The brimming,
The stirring,
This Thing,
wielding with intensity on its way
up and up and up.  

The Stomach always feels it's presence first
Coffee, that'll help.
Get focused, get organized, get all American Dream-ed out.

Up it travels,
No clarity in this coffee.
The Chest is next,
and with it greets Denial.

You silly, ever fruit-less human
Denial FEEDS this.

And so The Heart,
That perfect victim.
She's ****** now.

And there it hits,
Stirring her coffee.
the heart that’s so weak
it gave way to the throat,
as if it loves defeat.

Stirring her coffee,
the Throat concedes,
that familiar rock-hard lump.
It's all up to the Eyes now.
Her eyes that see,
strangers and vulnerability  
can for sure **** this thing,
in a coffee shop that stands for corporate greed?

Hers are no ordinary eyes either, you see
for their beauty is what,
made countless men weak.

But her eyes, it proves,
are powerless
once met
with the truth that now screams
as tears, stirring her coffee
at the coffee shop they first met.

Penny Yilmaz Feb 2017
You need to Own who you are. Know who you are. Grow who you are. Cherish who you are. Nurture who you are. Love who you are.
Be who you are.
Your sense of self is the knowledge of self. And we don't go to school for just one day.
Penny Yilmaz Feb 2017
That's what my name is
my given name,
that is

it means Natural Spring
(of water)
it does not mean it's me

How can a name,
given to you
                    by those
who never truly saw you,
belong to you?

It belongs to them.

as does Pinar,
                  the girl that's molded to their liking
                  the safe girl, the one who is never a risk
                  the girl who receives love, when she plays by the rules
                  the girl who serves as a mirror, of their own merits
                  the girl whose duty overrides her every desire
                  the girl whose soul screams, but no one is there to hear it
                  the girl that exists, only around them

MY name, good sir,

It is a name given to me by a six-year old girl
it felt true, to be seen by the eyes of a child
to be graced, by that purity
with a name to call my own


A name given, innocently
and so I claim my true name be
Not what was given to me,
but was seen,
of me

Penny Yilmaz Feb 2017
Mind your manners
Mind how you speak
Mind the hemline of your dress,
         and the curves of your *******
Mind your business
Mind your make-up
Mind your desires
Mind your men,
                 because don’t you know that
                 ‘behind every great man lies a woman’?
Mind your mind,
          for your thoughts even,
                  are too risky for our youth
Mind your Truth
Mind your Self
Mind your entire beautiful Being,
           but please
                   for the love of God,
don’t mind this when we’re in bed

Penny Yilmaz Feb 2017
What if I were to tell you,
that your soul dances in delight
every time your heart aches

                                Would you think her evil?

                                Would you conspire against her?

And what if I were to tell you
that the soul knows,
the knowledge of experience
          Are the fruits of its labor
That the wisdom
          hidden in pain,
          Are what it's after

And what if I were to tell you,
that without these,
                             You starve her,
                             Deny her,
                             Un-express her

Would you understand her now?
Would you give her the life she craves?
Would you continue to deny her existence
                                             ...and ultimately,

Penny Yilmaz Jan 2017
As told by me:

Shocked, over your indifference and coldness towards the end
Sucker punched, the second you said you haven't considered me a close friend in ages
Sad, that you pretended for so long
Sorry, for any pain I've unduly caused you
*******, at all the feelings you were harboring that you let snowball into resentment
Certain, that things will never really be the same
Unappreciated, for everything I’ve done for you
Misunderstood, when you said its all about me all the time
Upset, for making you feel unloved
Relief, from the burden of being a perfect friend
Confused, why you didn't give me the benefit of the doubt
Regret, for not speaking up earlier
Selfish, that I took you for granted without listening to your needs
Concern, everyday over your wellbeing
Curious, how you are living/feeling/doing
Generous, when sending you light and love
Sincere, when wishing the best for you always
Love, because I always will

As told by her:*

Shocked, that I was caught off guard by your indifference
Sucker punched, when I gave up on our friendship when you needed me the most
Sad, that we didn't see eye to eye
Sorry, for always having been a good friend
*******, for not being heard for so long
Certain, that things will never be the same
Unappreciated, for everything you’ve done for me
Misunderstood, because you just wanted to finally live by your own needs and not anyone elses
Upset, that I wasn’t able to fully open to you
Relief, from always having to pick up the slack
Confused, why I took it this far
Regret, for not speaking up earlier
Selfish, for expecting me to be a good friend while I dealt with my own/family issues
Concern, everyday over my wellbeing
Curious, how I am living/feeling/doing
Sincere, when wishing the best for me always
Love, because you always will


— The End —