i think what hurts me the most
about people is that they all
just sort of leave
whether it be to the restroom
when you talk or to another
girl who seems more beautiful
or to that boy who youve
always strived to be like
for her
they all just disappear
and it is in those seconds
those little moments when
they are gone and you dont
know whether or not they
will come back because
they did not warn you
it is in these moments
that you realize how
incredibly alone you are
as a human being
and how you are
starting to care less
and less everyday
for things that do
not seem to care about
you
and i know that failure
seems to be my
middle name but
i hoped that things
would be different
this time and this
year and some things
changed but others
remained the same
and he reminded me
of everything i love in
him and everything
i hate in myself
and he reminds
me of the flowers
in may and the snowstorms
in december
and he reminds me of
the ice that hit my
face back then and
the hail that hits it
now
and as he goes on
to do his daily things
i realize that i am
clinging on to him
because i am afraid
that every time he leaves
it is for good
it is for something
better
something happier
someone better
and that hruts
and its scary
and i feel so
insignificant
in his vast life
that is constantly moving
while i feel like im
cursed to this
feeling and cemented
to the floor
unable to move
for anything or
anyone
and if poetry could win
your heart over id write every
poem in the world and put
it in a novel and give
it to you so that you
could fall in love with me over
and over again but ive
already tried to write
**** poetry and none
of it is working
because half of what comes
out of my head isnt meant to
and i try to romanticize
these thoughts but theres
no combination of flowery
language and imagery that
can make self loathing and
heartbreak sound beautiful
no matter how hard i
try
and trust me
i try
i try so **** hard