Nyquil is such a *****
who would have thought cough medicine could make the insides of my eyes itch
it's a shame
who's to blame
I'm only 8
only just learned to spell my name
in cursive
I'm a big girl now.

innocent and my soul is clean but it's so weird
the feeling from this liquid green
mother thinks she's helping me but she's only just creating me
faking sick so she goes to get it
I wasn't being manipulative I just didn't think to ask for it

now I'm downing half the bottle so I can get some kip for school tomorrow
not sure what this does to me but there's nobody else to play with me so I'll just take this and go to sleep

let slip my habit in convo, to this pretty boy at school
thought he'd like a badass
thought he'd know I'm cool
I think I just wanted him to use with me
or explain to me how he's there for me

he's all worried
wants to help me

but I am helping me

the paranoia hits me like a ton of bricks
stupid **** will ruin me
I just wish he could see how the world could really be
I'll never show him, eventually everyone gets a ticket for free

so I decided to hide everything until I'd be old enough to drink
that would fix it for me and then I could come clean
because this is turning into a perpetual need
could manage it with alcohol just have to turn 13

I think I only made it a couple weeks before boredom and loneliness came to get ****** up with me

clever me
NO, **** you
I'm too smart for myself
made sure I grew up in my own prison cell
two sips in either direction and I'd wake up in hell

can't admit who I am because at the time one foot was stuck in a different land
so learn the dance of the broken romance
relationship started
innocence departed

perspective is amazing until you realize there's a selection
perception isn't consistent
doctors should be in prison