May 2014
12:14 am // 5/13/14
Everyone has a breaking point
Everyone has an addiction
And I guess letting him go was easier than admitting I had a problem, It was easier than admitting I'm going insane without him by my side
Swallowing a pill every night just to be able to sleep was easier than laying awake thinking of everything you should've said, instead
Singing in the shower was easier than admitting that with each word your heart was breaking only to be held together by loose strings and his faint cries of "I'm sorry",quite frankly that's all he's ever had to say. With each month that goes by I keep telling myself "it'll get easier don't cry" but each time i try he's right where I left him in the hollows of my mind he's taken root and I can't shake him loose, he's still there, somewhere inside me, he's clawing at my ribcage and filling my lungs with air, begging to be let back into the one place he seeks refuge from all past wounds... only he's not shining quite as bright maybe it's because I haven't watered him in a while maybe he's dying without my love and affection, you know the one he hated?, the one he took for granted?, I don't know if his faint whispers mean he's miserable or wishing me well, although he's always had a way with words and although his hands have always managed to entangle me once more I'm not sure i want to let him win anymore, I don't know what I'm saying, I'm delusional at best, but all I know for now is this is our love test and I wish I could say this goodbye wouldn't be for good i really hope it isn't although it's getting easier without him, it'll be the hardest goodbye I've ever known.
*(v.m)
Everyone has a breaking point
Everyone has an addiction
And I guess letting him go was easier than admitting I had a problem, It was easier than admitting I'm going insane without him by my side
Swallowing a pill every night just to be able to sleep was easier than laying awake thinking of everything you should've said, instead
Singing in the shower was easier than admitting that with each word your heart was breaking only to be held together by loose strings and his faint cries of "I'm sorry",quite frankly that's all he's ever had to say. With each month that goes by I keep telling myself "it'll get easier don't cry" but each time i try he's right where I left him in the hollows of my mind he's taken root and I can't shake him loose, he's still there, somewhere inside me, he's clawing at my ribcage and filling my lungs with air, begging to be let back into the one place he seeks refuge from all past wounds... only he's not shining quite as bright maybe it's because I haven't watered him in a while maybe he's dying without my love and affection, you know the one he hated?, the one he took for granted?, I don't know if his faint whispers mean he's miserable or wishing me well, although he's always had a way with words and although his hands have always managed to entangle me once more I'm not sure i want to let him win anymore, I don't know what I'm saying, I'm delusional at best, but all I know for now is this is our love test and I wish I could say this goodbye wouldn't be for good i really hope it isn't although it's getting easier without him, it'll be the hardest goodbye I've ever known.
*(v.m)
