It became an addiction
with every one came another
another blood stain in my diary
Another pill to swallow to subdue the pain of the next,
another flame against my still raw flesh
racing myself toward the finish line of my own life
embossing my skin with a map of moments
Little pink scars
like the pink of the sunset
the pink in his eyes
I never liked pink or brown
but in his eyes they were perfect
But when that pink changed colour
Green when he's angry
Orange when he is someone he's not supposed to be
A burnt reminder that old habits don't die
Merely reborn as another
I used to burn myself,
The smell of burning flesh still puts me on edge
Relapse loses all meaning
Maybe it'll welcome me back like an old friend
That friend I never wanted
But still managed to have
Didn't notice I was slowly killing myself
poisoned stomach with diet pills
Losing ten pounds a week
75 pounds at 5 foot 2 and still fat
'You're petite that's a good thing' he told me
Swallowing handful after handful
A month of force feeding by my family and I realized he was wrong,
all it took was a heart break
it all started again
an new addiction
hand to scalp in my sleep
tearing out bits of hair
and you wonder why I cut it
a year later I began biting
bite by Bit by bit by bite taking myself away
Because once again there was too much
Always too much
But somehow I've never been enough for anyone else