For reasons unknown
to myself, I quest
for the currency of emotion, searching
for pain or euphoria, two faces
of the same coin, a clink-

this worn coin that always
tastes fresh, fed once more
to my hungrily rusted
slot of a mouth, brings me

back to life, spasmodic and laborious
at first, until my joints
grow oiled once more with use. I am

a moneygrubber, searching for something
I never can hoard, this token
that will let me blaze
and step more quickly, gracefully. I am

a liar, telling myself
and others I long for an easy
existence, painless, and that

I am strong. I wonder

why pain and euphoria
make me feel so
uniquely alive.