I am prepared
for him to tell me
to *******,
and go die in a ditch.
But I am not prepared
for him to be nice
to me.
It's always a shock,
and it actually kills
me more.
The last time,
he looked at me as he spoke
and my heart was doing
flips and my throat
was closing up.
I will never be able to
fully apologize,
but I wish that
he knew I love him.