I'm happy for you
I truly am
But this smile is not the portrait of that happiness
It is a poorly formed mask
Used to hide my jealousy
And my pain
And worst of all my self-pity and self-hatred

I want nothing more
Than to smile once again
And to mean it
But the cavernous hole in my heart
That has yet to be filled with the love of another
Grows larger and larger with each passing day
Each week
Each month
Each year
And every day it becomes harder to even put on the mask to hide beneath
Every day a little more of the jealousy
The pain
The self-pity and the self-hatred shows
And I fear that when my heart can no longer bear the weight
Of the mask any longer
I will truly be alone