Incisive words dissect me,
Open me up for you to see
What was really inside.
You pried me apart still alive
Just to watch me squirm and writhe.

I could see it in the cast of your eyes.
You were obviously hurt by my actions, and
You wanted to see the exact moment when
That knife hit home inside,
To strike out at the one who has been
The source of all your woes.
A violent lashing out of a wounded soul,
One who is cornered with no way out.

You hit home. Yes, you hit your mark.
To some extent I did earn that barb.
But those exact words?
I think you went too far.

You say you've held back with me,
Well I've played that same game as well.
There have been times in our long, drawn-out history
Where I had some words to say,
Which I then tempered to remove
A large portion of the sting.
This time around,
You let me have it straight out, by and large.
You made me want to tell you out,
To return the favor, same for same.

But no, that will not be the way.
I'll keep it to myself and refrain
From loosing anymore inflammatory words
Into the air between you and I,
          Because I still do care.

My feelings have done anything but abate,
Merely changing, evolving to something else.
Because of this, I will hold back, as
Anything I might say in this second
Would be tainted with anger and spite, and
You and I need anything but that.

I love you.
Your words make it hard to believe
That they came from someone
Who I might care for.

I am Immature. I do not dispute hat.
I did not know how to handle
The situation in which we were placed.
I did not know what to do, so
I ignored you because I could not afford
To give in to these emotions towards you,
Especially when I am unexpectedly exposed
To you and then left in close proximity.

It would be all too easy to fall
Back to my original mentality towards you,
Held back as it already is with a failing veil.
          I love you.
I am just not in the right place
To give you fully everything you deserve.

So, in the Immature fashion of who I am,
I did the only thing I could
To prevent my exposure to my own emotions -
          I shut it out. I shut you out.

It was the worst route. I know that now.
It's clear to me. I heard it in the anguish in your strangled voice.
I panicked, and I did what I know.
I reverted to what's programmed in me.
I repressed everything. I ignored you.
          Because it kept me from feeling those words.

          I Love You.

I am sorry. It will never be enough.
You are the world to me.
I will never be enough. I will never be able to prove that.
I am nothing of what you deserve.
I deserved your every word.