i feel as if i Do this to myself i feel as if i dont deserve to be helped- silly feelings arent they? i try to distract myself i try to forget the past but some how- no matter how bad i try- all that comes to my mind is "how soon can i die?" however, i want to be happy i want to invite you to my weeding and to my baby's christening i want to get better but i want to slit my wrists till i bleed out- im a contradiction a complete paradox...