Inside there beats a pulsing *****
that can't beat strong if you're choking me
I'm joking, please
understand that sadism isn't my thing
I don't know what my "thing" is
because I've never found a passion greater
than bleeding this heart of mine
out on pages for the masses
Masses praise on the seventh day
But, my days are numbered
I'm dying on the inside knowing you're lying
In my eyes, your eyes have been dark
not because of arousal but because of deceit
I can't see your pupils when the darkness floods in
and the darkness floods in often
I find it hard to find the truth
when three-fourths of what you say and do
is deceit and the one-fourth that isn't is my
uncertainty if that one-fourth is really the fourth
part of a string of lies and spewed out cries
for help
Help me, God
Help me figure this all out
Yes, I brought religion into this
because religion's intimate to me
When there's no one who will listen
and no one will offer a hand
I pray for guidance, surviving
by the blood on my hands
I've killed dreams and hopes
with flames and smoke
and arsonists would pardon this
attitude because anyone can understand
that being alone is the worst pain
of all
It's that fact of knowing I'm alone
even when I'm with you
I feel like you're not as attached to
my passions as I am, and you won't let me
be included in your passions
I want to be passionate about something
other than bleeding this heart of mine
out on the pages for masses
because massive waves of concern
have been dragging me under
for quite some time
Now I know what it's like to die drowning
because I've never felt alive enough
to reach my hand to the surface
and grab the future that is rightfully
mine
This heart of mine
has bled too much
and soon enough, I'll
pass out from blood loss
and that loss won't be
the worst
The worst thing I've ever felt
was the loss of my grandfather
and aunt passing away from cancer
Like a cancer, this feeling of being
trapped in myself has been eating
away at me, and some days I don't eat
I don't think I can keep being a part
of that one-fourth you put forth
and that makes me feel like
I've been too blind to see
that seeing the big picture
requires me to take a large step
back and taking that picture
of this heart of mine will tear my flesh
open with the flash of light
A flash of light is something I need
in this darkness, alone
Inside there beats a pulsing *****
that's lost its strength, and I know,
I know I need to escape this mess I've made
This mess has made me a mess of emotions
and only the ocean can pull me down far enough
to see that this heart of mine can still beat
without you