I don’t know when four years from now turned into tomorrow
or when I first became afraid
everyone that matters, poised to run in all directions
and I have been running less
but when I do
leaves I used to reach for
now slap me in the face
the last time I walked these halls I wanted nothing more than
to leave I was convinced that outside would complete me but
here, I've studied the rules until winning became second nature
I've been around the board twice and back again
I can survive here
in this limbo
but I’m not turning my clocks back over and over
and I’m not hiding clues to remind those who stay of my former presence
I’m not letting the sun set on my back again
I was in love with the idea of tomorrow when it wasn't skinning me alive
peeling me back layer by layer digging its nails in crudely, leaving me surrounded by light my eyes hadn't adapted to see
when I am inattentive, the optimism
bubbles upward, but another voice, underwater says
what if you're wrong wrong wrong
I thought these four years were supposed to fade away, effortless
that I was the one that got to leave
but time is up, and kicking me out