If this is honesty, then I’m tired of being afraid. If it’s not, then I’m just tired. (of being afraid) It’s exhausting. It’s all exhausting. Waking up. Falling asleep. And yet I do it so well. I’ve been thinking a lot about the ocean. It doesn’t mind change. Maybe I shouldn’t either. Maybe I should. Maybe I should take up smoking. At least I’ll taste something different inside these lungs. I knew you wouldn’t stay for very long. I could tell by the way you looked at the airplanes, the clouds, me. I meant it when I said you’re worth it. I’m sorry you didn’t rea— I’m sorry for all the apologies. It’s taken 8 months to figure out that this wasn’t my fault. I’m still standing; rotting crossbeams and chipped up paint, I’m still standing. Maybe I should take up smoking.