I haven't quite came to an understanding with my 2 a.m. thoughts,
My whole day was filled with laughter and people I made jokes with,
But here I am staring at my ceiling trying to convince myself that things can only get better.
There are people in the world who aren't surviving and have it worse than me,
But I am in a battle with my own head that seizes to come to an ending,
I want to feel alive and I want to be able to feel pleasant things again,
I'm not quite sure how I got this way but I do know that my heavy rain cloud makes itself known when the lights go out.
I have tons of friends but I have no one I can trust enough to tell how my 2 a.m. thoughts **** me,
I'm not sure this is something I can blame on anyone else but myself for letting myself get this way.
I'm not alone in this world but at night it feels like I'm the only one awake in a battle for sanity.
I used to enjoy staying up late at night but now it's a reminder how much time I have to think,
When the thinking isn't lovely the night seems to last longer.
I never believed anyone could be completely happy but I've grown to realize some people can be completely unhappy.
I wish I could fall asleep to numb this pain and forget about the world watching me break each night,
But here I am laying on a twin sized bed in the corner of a four wall bedroom fighting my 2 a.m. thoughts.