I was amazing.
Genuinely happy.
I was confident, comfortable and enjoying myself.
I was incontrol
I was valued
I was needed
And I was with my family.
I felt safe with Him. With Them. And with everyone else.
It was fabulous.
It was cold.
It was tiring.
And it did not consist of much sleep
But I was happy and comfortable and I got to know Them more.
But it was fun and enjoyable.

But now
With Him gone.
Without Them.
It returns to normal.
It returns to that which I hate.
It is the routine that you cannot seem to break out of.
It is that constant drone of information,
Beig criticized,
And noise.
It is bed, eat, school, sport, homework, eat, sleep, repeat. And it is only music that can get me through. As D said.
But without Him or Them ,
Those who I feel are my family
I am alone.
Because my school friends don't feel like friends at all anymore.
And I can no longer find the motivation to breathe.

I don't know why I crash so badly after beig high,
But I can't take the bad with the good when the good is no longer sweet.
So I turn to my blade,
My only friend to keep.