12:37 am

i don't think that i could ever feel immensely happy about something and then just expect not to have it ruined. i was never the type person who ever really got what they wanted, but that supposedly builds character, right? (not really) it's a lie when they say it gets easier. the first wave of disappointment didn't feel any different from the 3rd or the 14th or the 27th or the 56th. they're all the same. they all feel the same. they all hurt the same. people just give you sympathetic looks and gestures and tell you that it'll be okay, but that doesn't mean that it's okay right now. it'll is a conjuction for it will. which is future tense. that means that's not it okay right now. (and it really isn't) maybe i should stop lying to people and telling them that it's okay, in a measly attempt to spare their feelings when i should really be trying to spare my own. one of my friends told me that i'm not prone to lying. well, maybe he's wrong.