there is a struggle to be in control.
contained.
to keep him happy.
to indulge myself.
the routine broke. it’s breaking.
consistency is a fleeting temptress with eyes reflecting your most controlling self. i will step out of this realm. transcendence of self and *******.
look within myself and past lovers fights tears kisses strife when you called me this and i you that.
pull out pick apart deconstruct.

- reconstruct-
what you wanted and what really happened.
where we were and who we have become.

you can not watch it through your window.
moody
you can not watch it patiently from your lonely tower.
dive into the mess. consume. burn.
burn it in.
this. this is all you’ve got.
burn in the mess consume and be consumed.

are you exposing yourself to true pain?
stayed faithful what is faithful.
stayed true what is truth.

do not look away.
eyes will get smeared. soft tears and daggered realities.
do not shield your eyes.
do not pretend you did not see it.
do not pretend it did not hurt.

i don’t want you to read my poetry and say ‘aw’.