Elaine prepares for school
she slept bad
odd snap dreams
of John

but then
he was gone
she ties her
brown shoe laces

and has made
an effort
with her black hair
brushed it

into some kind
of style
(her younger sister
smirks)

her mother reties
her school tie
must look tidy
her mother says

can't have you
setting
a bad example
Elaine wonders

if John will be
on the school bus
and how
she will feel

if he is there
after yesterday
and the row
or whatever

it was
her mother
smiles at her
have a good day

she says
she and her sister
wait
for the school bus

to come
her sister talks
to others waiting
next to them

but all Elaine
can think of
is John
and if he

is on the bus
and will he
look out at her
when the bus stops?

the thought
of him staring
at her
from the bus window

makes her feel flushed
has she blushed?
she wonders
she fiddles

with her satchel strap
touches her hair
she sniffs
her mother's scent

she borrowed
not too much?
she sniffs again
where is the bus?

she breathes in deep
that kiss
began it all
that one kiss

and all this
the school bus
comes around
the corner

she tenses
her eyes look
at the ground
in case he's looking

at her
she becomes
self conscious
imagines him

staring at her
she senses
her body leak
as she climbs on board

behind a boy
with ginger hair
she wishes she
was elsewhere

not here
not anywhere
where he
can stare

she thinks
sitting in a seat
all emptied of self
staring at her feet.