Just because I'm better
Doesn't mean I'm good.

Just because I'm alive
Doesn't mean I'm living.

Just because I'm smiling
Doesn't mean I'm happy.

Just because I'm complying
Doesn't mean I'm not rebellious.

Just because I'm not crying
Doesn't mean I'm not sad.

Just because I'm talking
Doesn't mean I'm friendly.

Just because I'm not alone
Doesn't mean I want your company.

Just because I'm quiet
Doesn't mean I'm not thinking.

Just because I don't disagree
Doesn't mean you're right.

Just because I've cured the symptoms
Doesn't mean I've cured the disease.

Just because I don't cut
Doesn't mean I don't want to.

Just because I haven't killed myself
Doesn't mean I want to live.

Just because I've cured the symptoms
Doesn't mean I've cured the disease.

Just because I'm writing
Doesn't mean I'm okay.


This is not a poem, This is how I get my brain to shut up.

Just because I haven't cut
Or burned
Or bruised
Or broken
Or sliced
Or injured
Or torn apart
any part of me
for months
Does not mean the thoughts
Ideas
And wishes
Have been dispelled from my mind.
I still dream of suicide
Crave to cut
Wish to burn myself
And pray to hurt.
Because I haven't followed through on my thoughts
Yet
Does not mean that I don't lay in bed
Unable to sleep
And unable to escape the thought
And desire
To carve the names of those who have impacted my life
Played a big part in my story
And carve your names into my lower left thigh
Using my favorite and most used blade.
Because I haven't followed through on my thoughts
Yet
Does not mean I have not formulated many plans to **** myself
Hang myself while my family is out
'Accidentally' stumble in front of a car while out for a run
Slice my wrists
Jump off a building
Or my more creative ideas
Just because I have not acted on my thoughts
Yet
Does not mean I have not come up with uncountable amounts of ways to hurt myself
And ways to cover it up.
Methods and excuses.
To grate my knuckles and blame it on art or boxing.
To slice and cross my knees-I fell.
Or the classic "the cat did it"
Or my most used "I scraped it against a wall"

Just because I have cured the symptoms
Does not mean I have cured the disease


Just because I don't talk about my feelings
Doesn't mean they aren't there.

Just because I don't tell you about it
Doesn't mean it didn't happen.

Just because I keep quiet
Doesn't mean I have nothing to say.

Just because I say "it's chilled"
Doesn't mean I'm okay with it.

Just because I cover it up
Doesn't mean it's not there.

Just because I conceal it
Doesn't mean I don't feel it.

Just because I write
Doesn't mean I will talk.

Just because I share
Doesn't mean I'll show you.

Just because I talk
Doesn't mean I'll say something worthwhile.

Just because I think
Doesn't mean I'll do.

Just because I pretend
Doesn't mean it's true.

Just because I breathe
Doesn't mean I want to.

Just because I care about you
Doesn't mean you'll return the feelings.  

Just because I notice things about you
Doesn't mean you will do the same to me.

*JUST BECAUSE I HAVE CURED THE SYMPTOMS
DOESN'T MEAN I'VE CURED THE DISEASE.