I'm scared it's because you read every single one of these and you know I love you and I can't take it back and maybe I'm just imagining it and maybe I'm doing it because I'm trying to tell you but I can't to your face so I write about it in the hope you'll see it but it's not hope exactly because if you find it then it will be bad but at least you'll know and I kind of want to just give you the link and let it be done but what if it destroys what's left of our friendship and what if you already have the link and i have to deal with the fact you've known all along and what if you hate me for it and what if you suspected and what if you care about me too? what if you care about me too?
no you don't. I'm deluding myself and I'll just have to continue because it's illogical to do anything else.