I'm really anxious to scribble about you because
it makes me feel everything that you make me feel
and everything feels so much more honest and sincere
when my words smudge up against
the side of my palm and dye it blue
as my pen dashes to keep up with my heart and tears

but I don't want it to be honest and sincere
or feel that way anymore
because I thought I was moving on
moving on from ache
that I wish I didn't crave
I thought I knew all of this was
unwise and non-realistic

but maybe I need to stop thinking
and just let myself feel;
feel the goosebumps you give me,
feel the pain you give to my wrists,
feel the blood you infuse into my veins and
all the blood I let out of my veins because of you  

but maybe I don't need to know everything,
like exactly what you're thinking
or exactly how I feel
maybe even exactly how you feel
or how all of this is going to turn out
because I already have an idea of how it will turn out to be
but I don't even need to have an idea
I just need to let it be and
whatever happens, happens

Everything isn't always going to be clear,
and not everything is going to be given to you by hand
and you'll always have to work for what you want
and let go of everything that makes you anxious
because you know that at the end you will be pleased
with just loving yourself
not just by loving you, whom doesn't love me

I'd like to be able to leaf through the trees and smile
even if you are not there, wandering besides me

j.f