these are the nights i feel like giving up. i don't want to go to school tomorrow. and i am too lazy to even organize my thoughts into lines and lines of pretty words. i let my mind take over me. i let it run into walls and i watch it fall into the dumps. i can't control my thoughts anymore and i don't know how to stop them. i want to find someone to talk to but who can i really? no one knows how this feels. i don't even know what i'm feeling. what do i like and what do i dislike? i don't know. who am i? i don't know. i want to get better and at the same time i just want to fade away but i know i won't be able to face the consequences. giving up will only make things worse. i know because i don't know where i am anymore because i gave up the last time. but i am tired. helpless. and i still might not want help. and it ***** really. to see others have been getting on pretty great without me. i should be grateful i haven't dragged them down. but i feel like they have clean forgotten about me. and only turn around when i call, say a few words out of obligation and pretend to cheer me on. it hurts to see how far ahead everyone have gotten while i've been busy digging my own grave. i'm out of breath i don't know if i can continue. i want to run in the same lap i want to be happy i want to enjoy life again but i don't know. i don't know how. because i was happy from Sunday to Thursday but I fell back down on Thursday night and I don't know if i can get up again.