i think too much and i don’t sleep enough i don’t want this to be organized i don’t want there to be correct punctuation i want to stop editing for a few minutes or maybe a few months so i can write what i’m actually thinking everything i say is masked by something else i can never get what i’m really feeling down i cannot always grasp how empty i feel into words and i cannot always force chills to take over your body by talking about her sometimes the only thing that’s going to come from my mouth is the muffled sounds of my crying and sometimes the only thing that my hands will be able to make is the sound of the door slamming i don’t think anyone realizes how hard these things hit me i don’t think you get the extremities of my words this doesn’t feel ok and neither does you saying i'm good with my words in that tone of voice as if i am manipulating you by simply speaking but it isn’t necessarily rewarding that someone is clapping as my heart is breaking on these pages it isn’t exactly fair that one day people will dance along the highway to every insecurity I feel
sometimes I want this to break your heart i’m incapable of slowly stuttering out my feelings i scream them at you i force these words out of me with no problem at all and i'm sick of it because now you know way too much